


Sorry

by musiclover51593



Series: Poetry [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Other, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-29 19:26:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15080060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musiclover51593/pseuds/musiclover51593





	Sorry

No matter how many times i say it,

You throw it back in my face.

It has no meaning because you’ve denied me

Again and again the tutelage that I need.

I do not need a lecture.

Nor do I need mocking demonstrations

Of what I should have done, or how.

You berate me for being passionate about

Something you care nothing about.

You belittle me for shutting down

And shutting people out.

You accuse me of an addiction to

Hyper-connectivity. A need to be

Staring at a screen.

Though this may be true,

And your words dully stab at the

Callouses around my heart,

Surely you must realize…at some point

That this is deeper.

It has rooted itself in my soul since infancy.

Somehow, you must realize the depth

And severity of what has caused me to

Hide myself away in my own little world.

A world full of people like me.

Where, accepted, appreciated, and affirmed,

I come out of my shell.

I only clam up when you’re around.

You don’t like who I am on the inside anyways.

I’m sorry I’ve failed you.

I’m sorry I’m not the daughter you

Wanted me to be.

She was always better at that than I was.

Always the standard to measure up to.

She always spoke to you,

And you never messed that up.

I missed the mark.

I didn’t really try, anyways.

You asked me what I was gonna do to

Fix my life…I gave some ridiculous,

Half-hearted answer…and a grunt.

You really hated that one…

This is why I cannot tell you.

I can’t tell you the reason why

I’ve shut you out. Why I shut down.

If you knew, I don’t know.

I only know how you’ll probably react.

And how you claim you’ll react.

Opposite ends of a spectrum, actually.

I can’t trust you with my heart because

You have the ability to cut it to pieces.

You’d do it unintentionally. Accidentally.

I’m not grumpy, moody, PMS-y…

The darkness has an origin.

The apathy was born of that darkness.

The darkness has always been there

But has been growing…

Ever since I decided I wasn’t good enough to

Call on God in my present state.

Since I was too ashamed to look

To Him. And to you.

You were always there,

But you were never there.

You always cared,

But you don’t really care.

Either that or you care too much.

Stop it. Leave me be.

The problem is being dealt with.

It’s being handled.

You’re just not a part of it.

You haven’t earned it yet.

The walls around my heart are there to

Keep you from getting hurt.

I’ll let them in…they earned it.

We have bared the deepest, darkest

Secrets in our souls and lived to

Love each other anyways…

My brother and sisters in Christ.

I’m changing. Slowly.

They encourage me, and I, them.

I am accountable to people

Outside of myself.

My heart is broken, beaten,

Ugly, and disfigured.  
The healing takes a long time…

It’s been years.

Sorry it’s not fast enough to help you

Cease your prattling about my failures.

It’s all I have left. I’m sorry.


End file.
